what.

guy after guy... they all do the same shit.
they tell me to fuck off... so i do...
later on, they get mad at me for not trying to get them back
and they tell me i need to change shit like that...
so i try. all i do is try and hope. but it all fails me.

no one knows what i have been through.
from cheating and lying to sexual harassment and abuse.

i found true happiness with him...
for pretty much the first time in my life, i felt happy...
and i didn't have to fake my smiles and laughs...
it was something real. and i took it too far /:
i cherished it too much and i was too scared of losing it

now, i don't believe i can find something that real anymore.
i was told to fight for my shit. i've been fighting and it failed.
i don't know why its hurting me this bad
i mean, this has happened in many ways, guy after guy
so shouldn't i be used to it by now? hmm.. i know why...
it's hurting me thrice as bad because what i felt for him
was so true and real. and for him to do that...

i've been trying to process all this in my head.
tried to understand why he's doing this and it just
doesnt seem right in my mind. but idk...
as long as he's happy? it's all i wanted for him...
i shouldn't be a hypocrite or anything...
i shouldn't go back on my word, that just makes me close to evil.

SiFuSpykez: you cannot keep doing this to yourself

SiFuSpykez: remeber how

SiFuSpykez: i fell head over heels for carolyn

SiFuSpykez: but i would always complain to you about her

SiFuSpykez: and you got tired

SiFuSpykez: of helping me

SiFuSpykez: telling me what to do

SiFuSpykez: and making feel better

robotz git hyphy: you feel like that now

SiFuSpykez: exactly

SiFuSpykez: im not gonna give up on you

SiFuSpykez: but you gotta realize

SiFuSpykez: that this dude

SiFuSpykez: is not worth your time