what.

i don't want to shut my mouth and keep everything to myself...
but i know i have to in order for him to be happy... and me
to make him happy... i don't understand why i keep crawling
back to him after all the pain he has put me through... i just
can't get away from him... i want him back and i'm trying to
do what i can to make sure he knows that. I WANT HIM
BACK... i want him to stop hurting me... i cry and cry and cry
i had an attack, i got sick from crying. i wanted to end my life
and i tried to end my life... i didn't so i kept crying. crying and
crying... i try to get my point by him but it never happens...
he would always get mad and argue with me. or bitch at me...
i can't take being this hurt and him adding more pain because
i'm hurt like this. i just can't take it... so i give in and tells him
he's right as always and i should just let him be happy... and i
should just suck it up and shit... oh, do i suck it up. i suck it up
and i bottle it up. bury it in some deep, but tender, place in my
heart. when i'm around him, i try to show him i'm not one bit
hurt... truth is, when i'm around him, i just want to run away
and cry. cry, die, cry... i

i honestly think i'm going crazy... i need like be like... placed
into those padded rooms... well for me, instead of padded...
maybe it should be shamwowed... so it can suck up all the
tears i cried.. knowing me and how much pain i am in, i would
cry up a flood and drown myself in those tears... mmm....

i think i'm gonna go for an all night walk...