what.

its his decision on what makes him happy...
i dont think its fair, but it's just me.
if it makes him happy, then it's fair.

i'm scared of the next time i will see him.
him chosing her over me... it hurts beyond words.
it makes me just feel so vulnerable, hurt, and abandoned...
he knows it hurts me, and i bet she does too...
but besides how i feel about it, they still make promises to
each other and agree on continuing whatever they have...

what happened to all the promises he made me...
we had something. something that went on for
one and a half years, two years actually.
those two years were full or promises
and promises to keep those promises... no matter
what. then the breakup and she comes in the picture
and everything about us is forgotten... all those
promises and memories and EVERYTHING.


he was never the type of person to forget someone if
he loved them or had something with them. i guess
i was the unlucky one that didn't get that care....

atleast he's happy right? i just want my happiness....
but i can't get it because of the pain he put me though.
and telling me to 'get over it' isn't easy... it's easy
for him though... it's always easy for him to get over it.
get over me, to be exact... does that show something.. /:

doesnt it show that he doesnt really care...
mm... i hate how what we agree on and the choices we make
makes him happy... and i'm just left alone crying...
i'm thinking of giving up what i love (key club) just so
he won't have any disrespect of trouble in his way...

i feel like i lost so much and i'm still sacrificing everything
just so he can leave me and be happy...

but really... everything is my fault.
i'm gonna take blame. i've done so many bad things to him
maybe that's why he left. because i'm not him and i dont
understand him. he's not me and he doesnt understand me.
i try to understand him but i just cant get it... all that i get from
it is that he doesnt love me, he hasnt really loved me for a
while, he doesnt care really and he found someone "better"


i just feel so broken and torn.
i cant stop crying... i cant sleep...
i havent been eating for almost a week... (i ate today though)
i cant eat, when i eat i throw it all up...
i don't know what's wrong with me.
i just feel like i hit the lowest and saddest point of depression
like, past rock bottom...